The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

Fashions are the only induced epidemics, proving that epidemics can be induced by tradesmen.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years and justify our existence…on pain of liquidation.

I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could.

Beware of the man whose God is in the skies.

What is the matter with the poor is poverty; what is the matter with the rich is uselessness.