No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.

I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?

You are only as old as the woman you feel.