When women kiss, it always reminds me of prizefighters shaking hands.

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.

Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Lawer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.

The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals.

No normal man ever fell in love after thirty when the kidneys begin to disintegrate.