Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

Wife: a former sweetheart.

Democracy: The worship of jackals by jackasses.

Wife: one who is sorry she did it, but would undoubtedly do it again.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.