America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Method acting? There are quite a few methods. Mine involves a lot of talent, a glass and some cracked ice.

A man must properly pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra had to be subsidized.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.