Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

All say, “How hard it is that we have to die”–a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to

Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.