Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

When you give up drinking, you have to deal with that wonderful personality that started you drinking in the first place.

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.