I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.

I knew her before she was a virgin.

So little time, so little to do.

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.