Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.