A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.
Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.
When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
I was going to buy a copy of “The Power of Positive Thinking”, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate.