A language is a dialect with an army and a navy.
Fix this sentence: He put the horse before the cart.
Bad spellers of the world, untie!
I have seen the hippopotamus, both asleep and awake; and I can assure you that, awake or asleep, he is the ugliest of the works of God.
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
Religion is the fashionable substitute for belief.
Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.